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Why we won't raise our kids in suburbia

Jason Slaughter makes a startling claim that cuts against the grain of North American parenting norms: the greatest threat to a child's independence isn't a stranger in a white van, but the very streets their parents drive them on. By contrasting the bustling, child-centric streets of Amsterdam with the desolate, car-dependent sprawl of his hometown in London, Ontario, Slaughter argues that urban design has engineered a culture of fear that is actively harming the next generation.

The Illusion of Safety

Slaughter opens by dismantling the primary justification parents use for keeping children indoors: the fear of abduction. He notes that while abduction stories fuel anxiety, the statistical reality is that "Canada is one of the safest countries in the world and abductions by strangers are exceedingly unlikely." Instead, he attributes this pervasive fear to a feedback loop of media sensationalism and, more critically, city design that isolates residents.

Why we won't raise our kids in suburbia

He invokes Jane Jacobs' concept of "eyes on the street," explaining that safety in places like Amsterdam comes from high pedestrian density, whereas "North American style car dependent suburbia is desolate for people outside of a car." The author's observation is sharp and visceral: "I'm almost always the only one out walking and I definitely get the feeling that if something happened to me hundreds of people would drive by without even noticing." This framing is effective because it shifts the blame from individual predators to the structural absence of community.

It shouldn't be too surprising that some parents are uncomfortable having their children walk in an environment like this.

Critics might argue that parental fear is rational regardless of statistics, given that high-speed traffic is a genuine danger. Slaughter anticipates this by distinguishing between the safety of the car occupant and the pedestrian. He points out that while overall traffic fatalities have fallen in developed nations, "pedestrian deaths have increased significantly in the past few decades due to an increase in car traffic, larger trucks and SUVs, distracted driving and higher vehicle speeds." This creates a vicious cycle where parents drive children to avoid danger, thereby adding more cars and making the streets even more lethal.

The Infrastructure of Dependency

The piece moves beyond safety to the sheer impracticality of independent travel in suburban zones. Slaughter highlights that even if parents wanted to let their children walk, "it's either too far or it's not feasible because of a lack of sidewalks." He contrasts the 60 percent of Dutch children who walk or cycle to school with the mere 28 percent in Canada, noting that the Canadian number has plummeted from 58 percent just a few decades ago.

He systematically debunks common excuses used by North Americans, asking, "Did Canada's weather get worse in the past 40 years? Did the hills get higher?" The answer, he asserts, is a resounding no. The real culprit is policy: "we did stop building family-friendly housing anywhere that wasn't car dependent." This is a crucial distinction that many overlook; the problem isn't the climate or the topography, but the zoning laws that make walkable neighborhoods illegal to construct today.

Suburbia may be a good place to shelter toddlers but as soon as a child is more than about six years old being trapped in a McMansion on the edge of town seriously inhibits their growth and independence.

The cultural consequence of this infrastructure is the rise of the "suburban soccer mom," a figure Slaughter describes as a parent who "spends all of her time shuttling her kids around from school to activities to play dates and back." This constant supervision, he argues, is not a natural parenting style but a forced adaptation to an environment where children cannot navigate the world on their own. The result is a generation that is less active and more isolated, with children preferring video games because "outside looks like this."

The Legal Chilling Effect

Perhaps the most damning section of Slaughter's commentary focuses on how urban design has mutated into legal persecution. He recounts the harrowing story of Adrian Crook, a father in Vancouver who allowed his children to take the bus to school alone. Despite the children's competence, Crook was reported to authorities and faced the threat of losing custody.

Slaughter writes, "The ministry decided that children under the age of 10 could not be unsupervised in or outside of the home for any amount of time." He notes that Crook had to spend three years suing the government just to regain the right to let his children have basic independence. This anecdote illustrates a broader trend where "what constitutes adequate supervision is becoming increasingly strict and arbitrarily applied."

You're crazy if you don't think this has a chilling effect that ultimately limits the independence of children in North America.

This legal rigidity creates a paradox: parents are terrified of letting children out because it's dangerous, yet they are also terrified of letting children out because they might be arrested for neglect. Slaughter argues that the solution requires more than just cultural shifts; it demands a fundamental redesign of the built environment. He points out that "walkability is nearly impossible to retrofit on top of car-dependent suburbia," and the few existing walkable areas are "completely unaffordable to most people."

Bottom Line

Slaughter's strongest argument lies in his ability to reframe the "safety" debate, proving that the very infrastructure designed to protect families is actually the primary source of their anxiety and restriction. The piece's biggest vulnerability is its assumption that the Netherlands' model can be easily replicated in North America without addressing the deep-seated political and economic interests that sustain car dependency. However, the verdict is clear: until cities are designed for people rather than cars, the independence of the next generation will remain a casualty of suburban planning.

The solution seemed pretty clear: we moved to the country with the happiest kids in the world.

Sources

Why we won't raise our kids in suburbia

by Jason Slaughter · Not Just Bikes · Watch video

i grew up in a car infested city called london ontario canada but we don't want to raise our kids in an environment like this and we moved to amsterdam instead so why is that one thing you immediately notice when coming to the netherlands is that there are a lot of children around you'll routinely see even young children cycling to school playing with their friends and just hanging out in the city the dutch are famous for having the happiest kids in the world and a big part of that is the fact that they can literally have chocolate sprinkles for breakfast but the other big factor is the level of independence that children have here i got used to seeing children everywhere so it was amazing to see the difference the first time i returned to my hometown in canada i drove around several residential neighborhoods and while i occasionally saw some kids in the park with their parents i never saw any children out on their own and that's really sad i've talked to some parents from suburban canada about why they don't let their children out in their own and they usually say it's because it's too dangerous one person even said somebody could come along with a white van scoop them up and nobody would even notice now that's insane because canada is one of the safest countries in the world and abductions by strangers are exceedingly unlikely so why do people think this well there are various reasons for this cultural change including an increase in fear-mongering media but this is an urban planning channel so we're going to talk about the reasons linked to city design because there are a lot of them in her famous book the death and life of great american cities jane jacobs refers to an effect she calls eyes on the street essentially it means that people feel safer to be in places with many other people like here in this suburb of amsterdam by comparison north american style car dependent suburbia is desolate for people outside of a car it's depressing to walk there and i know because i've done it a lot in the process of filming these videos i'm almost always the only one out walking and i definitely get the feeling that if something happened to me hundreds of people would drive by ...