Most parenting advice treats biting as a moral failing or a sign of aggression, but Dr. Cara Goodwin reframes it as a developmental milestone rooted in unmet needs. This piece stands out because it moves beyond the panic of the moment to offer a clinical, evidence-based roadmap for understanding the 'why' before the 'how,' turning a shocking event into a teachable opportunity.
The Myth of the 'Bad Child'
Goodwin immediately dismantles the shame that often paralyzes parents when their child bites. "There are few worse feelings as a parent of a young child than hearing that your child bit another child," she writes, acknowledging the visceral shock. Yet, she pivots quickly to the science: "Research finds that biting tends to peak around 13 to 30 months and gradually decreases as children develop and learn new skills to express their needs in other ways." This framing is crucial. By normalizing the behavior as a phase rather than a character flaw, she lowers the emotional temperature, allowing parents to respond with logic rather than fear.
The author's insistence on separating the biter from the bitten is not just about physical safety; it's a strategic move to avoid reinforcing the behavior. "Attending to the bitten child before the biter achieves three goals," Goodwin explains, "makes sure that the bitten child is not seriously hurt, avoids giving attention to biting behavior, and models to the biter and other children around how to show empathy when someone is hurt." This is a sophisticated application of behavioral psychology. Critics might argue that ignoring the biter in the immediate aftermath feels counterintuitive to a parent's instinct to correct the wrongdoer, but Goodwin's logic holds: attention, even negative attention, can inadvertently reward the action.
"Do NOT shame the child or bite the child to 'show them how it feels': These strategies are not effective and may even increase their tendency to bite again in the future."
Decoding the Root Cause
The core of Goodwin's argument rests on the premise that prevention requires diagnosis. She argues that "understanding the why is ultimately how you prevent this behavior in the future." Instead of a one-size-fits-all punishment, she offers a diagnostic framework based on five distinct triggers. This granular approach is the piece's greatest strength, moving the conversation from "stop doing that" to "what do you need?"
For children driven by frustration or emotional dysregulation, the strategy shifts to labeling feelings. "I notice you are getting frustrated— do you want to try belly breathing?" Goodwin suggests. This transforms the parent from an enforcer into a co-regulator. Similarly, for children lacking communication skills, the solution is teaching specific phrases like "help" or "my turn." Goodwin notes that if a child struggles significantly here, "consider a speech-language evaluation," adding a layer of professional rigor to the advice.
The distinction between attention-seeking bites and sensory-driven bites is particularly insightful. Goodwin observes that attention-seeking bites often happen "out of nowhere" or when a parent is distracted, sometimes accompanied by a smile. In contrast, sensory needs manifest differently: "A child who needs more sensory stimulation will bite as a way of getting more sensory input," while a child overwhelmed by noise may bite to shut the world out. This nuance is often lost in general parenting guides, which tend to lump all biting under the umbrella of 'aggression.'
The Limits of the Framework
While the framework is robust, it relies heavily on the parent's ability to accurately observe and categorize the child's state in real-time. A counterargument worth considering is that in the heat of a chaotic daycare or a tired evening at home, distinguishing between a teething nibble and a sensory overload bite can be incredibly difficult for exhausted caregivers. Goodwin does acknowledge the complexity of sensory needs, suggesting a referral to a "pediatric occupational therapist" if the behavior persists, which is a responsible caveat. However, the advice assumes a level of parental bandwidth that not all families possess, potentially leaving those struggling the most with the heaviest burden of self-diagnosis.
"Biting is a developmentally normal impulse among young children. Yet, there are effective ways to respond to and prevent biting."
Bottom Line
Goodwin's strongest contribution is her refusal to moralize a developmental phase, replacing shame with a clear, actionable diagnostic tool. The piece's biggest vulnerability lies in its demand for high parental emotional regulation during moments of high stress, but the inclusion of professional referral pathways mitigates this risk. Parents should watch for the specific triggers Goodwin outlines, as identifying the root cause is the only true path to stopping the cycle.