Opening Pitch:
Two British guys who've lived in America for years but know basically nothing about US history? That's the setup for this piece — Stefan Milo and Pete Kelly take a 35-question American history quiz and the results are predictably humiliating. What makes it worth your time isn't just that they fail (though they do, spectacularly). It's the way they narrate their own ignorance with surprising honesty and humor. They don't pretend to know things they don't. They simply admit they've got no idea what they're doing.
The Setup
Stefan Milo and Pete Kelly are both Englishmen who live in America — one calls Washington state home, the other spent a month traveling through the US. They've collectively been there for roughly ten years. Yet when it comes to US history, they know almost nothing.
"I think this is US as a nation state history," Milo said before starting. "And it's kind of funny because America is such like um a huge cultural imprint around the world. I do feel like I know considering we didn't have any education in US history."
Pete added: "I feel like I know more than average about US history than like I don't know the history of Hungary for example." He was thinking of his A-level history, which covered the Great Depression and FDR's New Deal — basically anything American that happened in the 1930s.
The quiz begins. First question: who was the first European to explore the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence River? Options include John Cabot, Jacqu Cartier, Francis Drake, and Vasco de Gama.
"I think it's Cartier," Pete said. "I think it's the French guy."
That was correct. They got lucky.
The Quiz
Second question asks which settlement Walter Rally attempted to establish — Jamestown, St. Paul, Rowan Oak, or Hampton. Both guessed Jamestown incorrectly; the answer was Rowan Oak.
After that came a question about where the capital of the Virginia colony moved after Jamestown. The options were Richmond, Petersburg, Onencock, and Williamsburg.
"I think it's Williamsburg," Pete said. "I feel like they wouldn't have called them Petersburg and Williamsburg." They went with Richmond — which turned out to be right.
The Appalachian Mountains came up in a question about the Proclamation of 1763 limiting colonial settlement. Both guessed correctly: "It's got to be the Appalachians."
Then the Stamp Act question: which group organized opposition? Options included Sons of Liberty, Freedom Fighters, Abolitionist Freedom Fighters, and the Doughboys.
"I think Sons of Liberty," Pete said. "They were the guys with the Boston Tea Party." That was correct too.
When asked what Benedict Arnold offered the British — West Point, New York, Washington DC, or James Town — they reasoned it couldn't be James Town (no longer capital) and Washington DC "didn't exist" during the Revolutionary War. Their process of elimination led them to guess New York.
The Comedy
What makes this work isn't just wrong answers — it's their commentary in between questions. They joke about Americans being friendly ("I will say I think they're a friendly bunch"). Pete tells stories about appearing in rural Ohio where locals thought he was some medieval traveler from the 10th century. He got a job at a bank because his accent sounded intelligent.
"I turn up in um where was I? I was in like rural Ohio and I turn up and they're like, 'Who's this guy?'" he recalled. "I think they just thought I was some sort of medieval traveler."
The bit about Stonehenge being rebuilt in Washington adds to the absurdity: "It's not that accurate." They joke about Americans being friendly, their own experiences with American hospitality, and how little they know about even basic US history.
Counterpoints
Critics might argue these two are simply performing ignorance for content. But even if that's true, there's something refreshing about publicly admitting what they don't know — without pretending expertise they don't have. A quiz on Hungarian history would leave them equally stumped. The humor works because they're not claiming any knowledge; they're just being honest about their gaps.
Pull Quote
"I feel like I know more than average about US history than like I don't know the history of Hungary for example."
This single sentence captures their charm: comparing themselves to what they actually know less about, rather than claiming expertise in anything.
Bottom Line
The strongest part of this piece is its willingness to be funny through honesty. No pretense, no performance of knowledge — just two Brits admitting they don't know anything and making jokes about it anyway. The vulnerability is the comedy. Their willingness to say "I think they're a friendly bunch" adds warmth without ever being mean-spirited. If you want to hear people fail cheerfully at American history while laughing at themselves, these two deliver.