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150: ‘We cannot wait for very sick women to tell US how much they are suffering’

This piece cuts through the noise of a high-profile criminal trial to expose a systemic failure in how we treat maternal mental health. While the Lindsay Clancy case has captivated the public with its tragic details, the editors at Two Truths pivot immediately to the deeper, more urgent question: why does our healthcare system wait until a mother is in crisis before offering real help? The coverage is notable because it refuses to let the tragedy stand as an isolated anomaly, instead framing it as the predictable result of a culture that dismisses the "darker side of motherhood" until it is too late.

The Paradox of Competence

The article anchors its argument in the work of Karen Kleiman, a pioneer in perinatal mental health whose personal history with the Holocaust informs her clinical approach. The piece reports that Kleiman's mother, a survivor, "role-modeled for me how to suffer well," teaching her that "it was possible to be symptomatic and competent at the same time." This insight is crucial because it explains why so many women fly under the radar. They are not hiding their illness; they are performing normalcy so effectively that even trained professionals miss the signs.

150: ‘We cannot wait for very sick women to tell US how much they are suffering’

Kleiman notes that for decades, the medical community dismissed emotional distress as a "normal" response to motherhood, a stance the piece argues has allowed women to "fall through the cracks of our healthcare system." This framing is powerful because it shifts the blame from individual mothers to institutional blindness. Critics might argue that expecting every provider to detect subtle psychological shifts is unrealistic given current staffing shortages, but the editors rightly counter that the cost of this oversight is measured in lives lost. The piece emphasizes that "women can actively seek help and still not receive the recognition or care they need," a failure that is particularly stark when compared to how we treat physical emergencies.

We cannot wait for very sick women to tell us how much they are suffering.

Distinguishing Fear from Psychosis

A significant portion of the coverage is dedicated to demystifying the difference between common intrusive thoughts and the delusions of postpartum psychosis. The editors highlight Kleiman's distinction between the anxious mother asking, "What if...?" and the psychotic mother who believes, "This is true." This nuance is often lost in public discourse, where any mention of harm is treated with equal alarm or equal dismissal. The piece argues that understanding this distinction is vital because "when intrusive thoughts are anxiety-driven... they are not, in themselves, associated with an increased risk of infant harm."

However, the article also warns that "postpartum psychosis is not postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD. It is a psychiatric emergency," occurring in roughly 1 to 2 per 1,000 births. The coverage effectively uses the context of the Clancy trial to illustrate why this distinction matters: the presence of a book like Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts in a kitchen does not indicate a crime, but rather a desperate search for language to understand terrifying experiences. The piece suggests that "the magic of the book comes from the intersection of the difficult subject matter and the lighthearted nature of the illustrations," which helps reduce the shame that often prevents women from speaking up. This approach mirrors the historical need for destigmatization seen in other major public health shifts, much like the gradual, often painful, process of acknowledging the scale of trauma in the Holocaust, where silence was once the default survival mechanism.

The Cost of Silence

The editors weave in a sobering statistic: mental health conditions are the top cause of pregnancy-related deaths in the United States. This fact transforms the conversation from one of personal struggle to a public health crisis. The piece argues that "our society has yet to evolve to the point where our psychological challenges are taken as seriously as our medical ones." Kleiman is quoted saying, "We need to listen to women when they say something doesn't feel right. And we need to believe them. They are usually very right about that."

This call to action is compelling because it demands a shift in clinical presence. The article notes that "clinical presence is part of the intervention itself," requiring providers to "listen for what is not being said." The editors suggest that the current system is reactive, waiting for a mother to break down, rather than proactive in identifying the "dichotomy" of maternal ambivalence. While some might argue that increased screening could lead to over-diagnosis, the piece counters that the greater danger lies in under-identification, where a mother's "functioning while suffering enormously" is mistaken for wellness. The coverage concludes that normalizing these conflicting emotions is not just about comfort, but about safety: "When we normalize maternal ambivalence as a healthy component of motherly love... we pave the way for acceptance and empowerment."

Bottom Line

The strongest element of this coverage is its refusal to sensationalize the tragedy while still using it to illuminate a deadly systemic gap. Its greatest vulnerability lies in the sheer difficulty of changing clinical culture, a hurdle the piece acknowledges but may understate in terms of resource allocation. The reader should watch for how legislative bodies respond to the call for better screening and provider training, as this is where the abstract need for "clinical presence" must become concrete policy.

Deep Dives

Explore these related deep dives:

  • Postpartum psychosis

    While the article discusses intrusive thoughts, this distinct and severe condition involving hallucinations and delusions is the specific clinical diagnosis often at the center of infanticide trials like Clancy's, distinguishing it from general postpartum depression.

  • Intrusive thought

    The article highlights how common these unwanted mental images are, but the Wikipedia entry explains the specific cognitive mechanism of 'thought-action fusion' that causes parents to mistakenly believe having a dark thought increases the likelihood of acting on it.

  • The Holocaust in Germany

    Kleiman's reference to her mother's experience during this event provides the specific historical context for her unique perspective on 'suffering well' and the intergenerational transmission of trauma that shapes her therapeutic approach.

Sources

150: ‘We cannot wait for very sick women to tell US how much they are suffering’

by Various · Two Truths · Read full article

Welcome to Two Truths—a best-selling newsletter by health journalist Cassie Shortsleeve and Motherspeak creator Kelsey Haywood Lucas. Two Truths explores the many facets of maternal health and living well in today’s world. It’s been named a “best parenting Substack” by Motherly, recommended by The Skimm, and featured in Today, Fast Company, Women’s Health, The Bump & more.

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Recently, a popular book, Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts—which you may have heard of or read yourself—has emerged in the trial of Lindsay Clancy, the mother and nurse who killed her three young children in 2023 before attempting suicide. Police found a copy of it in Clancy’s kitchen cabinet. The book, by Karen Kleiman, MSW, works to destigmatize intrusive thoughts, which some 90%+ of new parents experience.

» Check out some of our recent coverage on the Clancy trial and postpartum psychosis, including my op-ed in Women’s Health:

I first connected with Kleiman, who is the founder of The Postpartum Stress Center and a leading international perinatal mental health expert, years ago when I started reporting on maternal mental health. Sources told me that to really understand what it was like to sit with moms in distress, to really understand moms’ stories, I should talk to her. Kleiman is an educator and a skilled provider who trailblazed a path in a field that largely didn’t exist in this country before she came around. She’s also the type of person you’d want to meet with if you were struggling. She brings humanity, compassion, nuance, and deep understanding to a field that so desperately needs it (one of her books is called The Art of Holding in Therapy). We interviewed her for an early issue of this newsletter.

Kleiman hasn’t spoken publicly yet about her book being part of the discussion around the Clancy trial, but this week, she spoke to Two Truths about it—as well as why she’s drawn to suffering, what to know about ...